I've sat here staring at the blank screen for awhile now, trying to put into words why I decided to drop everything and go on a 9 month mission trip. Truth is, not even a month ago I fully thought that I was going to be going off to college in a few months.

Then a world pandemic hit! Completely changing my way of life and everyone around me. Suddenly I had to fight battles I had never imagined where the kind of battles I would be fighting. Instead I was fighting the battles of isolation, loneliness and the big question mark that my future had just become. 

I've always heard the term; when God closes a door, he opens a window and I had never truly seen that an action but He never fails to impress me every time. The pandemic gave me an opportunity to rethink what I truly wanted in my life, and I came to this conclusion: I want to live my life. And I mean truly live my life with the goal of fulfillment and not necessarily contentment. I want to laugh so hard my stomach hurts the next morning, I want to have bags under my eyes from losing sleep from having long and deep conversations with people that matter, I want to work so hard that my entire body is covered in layers of dirt but I also want to be able to cry, cry for the things that matter, hug myself and step right back up, I want to be able to scream for the injustices in the world and pray so hard my hands start to hurt. 

I want to live, and to be able to live I realized I have to do the things that scare me. I want to live, even when it's painful, even when it's hard, even when it's scary. 

Going on the World Race was something that I have always felt immensely called to do, but I let my worries of paving a different path scare me. The pandemic gave me a chance to realize who I really was and what I really want: life to the full. 

Funny how God picks flowers out of the ash like that. With that being said, I am beyond proud and excited and terrified to go on the World Race and I couldn't feel better about it.