In less than two weeks, our squad will pack our bags, stuffed full with new souvenirs, clothes and memories, and fly to Guatemala for our final two months on the World Race. 

The reality of that timing has began to set in and with heavy hearts, tired eyes and full stomachs, all I can do is sit back in reflection of my time in Ecuador and praise God. 

Ecuador was filled with long days on a roof, creating trails in the mountains of the rainforest, long hours in a tomato greenhouse, harvesting and weeding, days spent laughing and cooking for a group of girls that changed your life forever. 

It was filled with late night card games with new friends, early morning hikes to the top of the world and laughter and dancing to accompany washing dishes. 

It was filled with living in a tiny farm on the top of a mountain, with stained jeans and smelly clothes. It was filled with stories of redemption and healing from strong women. 

It was filled with good tears of joy and hard tears of pain. It was filled with excited hellos and heartbreaking goodbyes. 

Most of all, It was filled with the Father. Filled with a special kind of wholeness and beauty that only comes from Him.

Ecuador taught me a lot about hellos and goodbyes. It taught me the importance and the fruit that comes out of a heart that says hello with intention and passion to reflect the Father. It taught me that in the chaos of the world surrounding us, that simple hello makes everything feel okay. 

Ecuador taught me the possibility of love. A deep, deep love that can only be accessed when you soften your heart and admit your vulnerability. 

The father created us for relationship so much deeper than what we could ever understand. 

Ecuador taught me what it meant to have your heart break for what breaks the Father’s heart. Ecuador taught me how to come to the table empty handed and know that the Father will use me as I was meant to be used. 

Ecuador taught how to struggle with my first goodbye to ministry, a goodbye that might be for good. A goodbye that hurts your heart and confuses you. 

A goodbye that stings so bad, it tells your brain to never dive that deep again. A goodbye that wants to throw you into survival mode, to cut off all sensitivity to your work so that you won’t break as hard next time. 

The LORD taught me how to chose vulnerability, chose sensitivity, chose weakness, because in my weakness the Lord’s strength is revealed. He taught me how the persistence of sensitivity is a gift that takes the upmost amount of strength. He taught me that painful goodbyes reflect true, deep love. He taught me that numbness is an enemy and hurt is a tool. He taught that there aren’t a limited amount of seats in my heart for the ones I love, that our hearts have unexplainable passion and power. 

In reflection, I asked the Lord why He had ordained such beautiful relationships if they were only to be a glimpse in our memory and inevitably fall away. 

He reminded me that relationship is a gift, it is not merely glimpse in my life, it is merely a glimpse of the Father’s relationship with us. The way we love others carries something much bigger than ourselves. 

John 13:35 states, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples if you love one another.”

What a beautiful thing that the biggest testament of His love is the love that we give each other, as a product of His love for us. 

I pray that I will never stop pursuing sensitivity and running from numbness. 

I am forever grateful for the relationships that Ecuador brought and how the Lord used them to soften and deepen my heart.

Through hellos and goodbyes, what a gift that He never leaves my side.